There were only two things I wanted to do on my first trip to Chicago: try the deep dish pizza that The Travel Channel had been tantalizing me with for years and see a show at Second City. Pizza is delicious and its consumption requires no further rationalization. The Second City, if you don’t know, is a storied comedy theater and the Mecca for aspiring improvisational comedy performers. Second City alumni include your favorite entertainers like Tina Fey, Steven Colbert, and Amy Poehler.
Improv shows are unscripted comedy scenes made up on the spot in front of the audience. The scenes often begin with an audience suggestion that inspires the performers. I saw a mixed-show (improv and sketch comedy) performed by one of the touring companies with a cast of five incredibly talented people. These performers had to put in years of work in order to make the stage: several levels of classes, numerous shows, and competitive auditions. They were seasoned, they were tested, they were pros.
So what happened to me? I had a moment of panic and silently freaked out so as not to disturb my neighbors. At first I was just enjoying the show. Then I started reminiscing about my own amateur comedy experience in Washington, DC. Suddenly, I mentally tripped and fell head first into a common trap that ensnares budding artists: dwelling on the gap that naturally exists between the amateur and the professional.
I don’t aspire to perform but I was nevertheless swept up in a whirlwind of fear-based, negative thoughts. I can’t do this! I don’t have this kind of talent! I’m funny-ish but I’m not hilarious! These people thought of scenes that I never would have thought of! I’m already out of ideas! And on and on it went. It was so bad that I considered turning my car around in Chicago and heading back to Connecticut. Honestly.
I knew what was happening thanks to Steven Pressfield and his book, The War of Art. Pressfield educates us about Resistance— a universal, malevolent, invisible force that acts against us when we set about pursuing passion projects. We cannot see Resistance, we cannot touch Resistance, but we can feel it usually in the form of procrastination. It’s not just creative works that Resistance attempts to foil but anything from a home renovation project to a new exercise routine. Fear fuels Resistance. Self-doubt is one of the tricks that Resistance employs to stop us in our tracks. “Resistance,” says Pressfield, “will tell you anything to keep you from doing your work.”
Julia Cameron in her wonderful book, The Artist’s Way, notes that fear keeps us from taking action because taking action involves risk. Most people prefer to nestle in the comfort of inaction where they remain safe from public exposure even if it ultimately makes them miserable. Fear is a trick of Resistance. “Part of the game here,” Cameron says, “is lining up the masters and measuring our baby steps against their perfected craft. We don’t compare our student films to George Lucas’s student films. Instead, we compare them to Star Wars.”
This is what I did that night. In a moment of lucidity, I took stock of my limited experience and lofty goals and compared it to the pros on stage. When I didn’t measure up, panic ensued. Then self-doubt followed by fear that Resistance fed on to make me consider giving up entirely. Thanks to Pressfield and Cameron, I knew that the only way to defeat Resistance was to continue moving forward in the face of fear. Amateurs don’t become Pros by staying idle. So I did not turn my car around but continued my journey west. I also kept up with my daily writing routine which made me feel accomplished and in control. This wasn’t the first insecure moment I had and it wouldn’t be the last. Knowing the enemy helps. Having a battle plan helps more.