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Peas & Carrots: Adventures in Background Acting

by Bryan on November 17, 2024 posted in LA Stories

One sunny morning last year, I found myself taking a stroll with a chatty hospital administrator named Evelyn. We ambled along a winding path as she regaled me with stories of her celebrity encounters, the highlight of which was a brush with Bryan Cranston some years back. Evelyn was professionally dressed, befitting her role, and carried herself with the confidence of an accomplished businesswoman. Next to her, I felt homely and underdressed in my blue hoodie and jeans.

A trio of smiling nurses walked past us in lockstep, turning their heads and nodding a silent greeting that we returned in kind. I looked down and noticed that a corner of my visitor’s badge had curled up. As I pressed down on it, I wondered who, exactly, I was at the hospital to see? A relative? A friend? I could have asked Evelyn but she would have dismissed my question with a wave of her hand. For she was no more a hospital administrator than I was a hospital visitor. And we were not, after all, even at a hospital. We were two background actors working on the set of Grey’s Anatomy.

Evelyn glanced over her shoulder. “Crap,” she lamented “we’re not in the shot.” Indeed, we had meandered so far from the parking lot where the scene took place that I could barely see the cameras. In short order, we heard a chorus of shouts echoing towards us from production assistants stationed in the distance.

“CUT!”

“RESET!”

“RESETTING!”

That was our cue to go back to the start of the winding path to begin our stroll anew. We did this three more times. And that was just the first scene of the day.

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Background actors, also called extras, are an essential element of television and movies because they add a layer of authenticity to what you are watching even if you don’t notice them. Consider how strange it would be to watch a scene between two characters having dinner in an empty restaurant. (Assuming the script didn’t call for that, of course.) It’d be distracting because that presentation would be at odds with most people’s experience of dining out. You might wonder, where is everyone? And once that happens, you are out of the moment, out of the scene, and out of the story. Peppering people in the background, even if they are out of focus, makes what you are watching believable.

Most extras I’ve met are working actors who take these gigs in between auditions, jobs, and acting classes. A perk of the job (some might call it the highlight) is the cornucopia of food that is available all day at craft services. The crafty spread varies by production but many include hot meals as well as an assortment of beverages and snacks—all for free! Nothing cures boredom quite like a trip to the craft services table and boredom can set in quickly given the glacial pace at which productions move.

Background work before the pandemic was plentiful and offered a reliable way for many working actors in Hollywood to earn a living. Today, there are fewer opportunities available as the industry continues to evolve and adapt to changing viewer habits. Streaming services, for example, upended the traditional television season, cutting the number of episodes produced for a series nearly in half. Lucrative tax breaks in other states and countries have lured many productions away from Los Angeles taking industry jobs with them. As one longtime background actor told me, “I do this a few times a month but my survival job is Uber.”

Peas & Carrots

I’m not referring to the nauseating mush of orange and green slop you remember from elementary school lunch.

Peas and carrots refers to a method for mimicking conversation that Evelyn taught me on Grey’s. We were able to speak to each other in whispers on our walk because we were so far out of the shot that the microphones could not pick up our voices. But a background actor in closer proximity to the principal actor(s) in a scene—and, thus, closer to the microphones— must feign real-looking conversations without making a sound.

According to Evelyn, mouthing the words peas and carrots moves one’s lips in a way that actually resembles many different words. Some background actors, she said, will simply repeat peas and carrots back and forth to each other for an entire scene. Find a mirror and try it for yourself!

As a statement: Peas and carrots.

As a question: Peas and carrots?

Aghast, while clutching your pearls: Peas and carrots?!

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Grey’s Anatomy

This was my first background acting gig and I was shocked to learn that Grey’s Anatomy was still on television. (The show is currently in its twenty-first season.) The set that day was on a college campus and it was thrilling to watch, up close, how the show was made. I walked and fake-talked in four scenes and ended up working an unexpected 13 hour day! That wouldn’t have mattered except that I had already booked All-American for the very next morning. So after leaving the Grey’s set around 1 AM, I rushed home to sleep for about three hours before heading to Burbank for my 5:30 AM call time.

All-American

I threw back a 5-Hour Energy shot on my drive to Warner Brothers and noted that pre-dawn was the ONLY time that there was no traffic in LA. I had to walk directly behind the four principal actors in one scene which meant that on this, my second job, I had the unusual experience of having several cameras up close pointed in my direction. I suddenly felt self-conscious and forgot how to walk like a normal human. The result was that I tottered, semi-hunched over, like someone trying (but failing) to pass a sobriety test.

I don’t look for myself in these shows because the thrill for me is being on set as opposed to being on television. My eagle-eyed friend, Brooke, found me and took these pictures.

Quantum Leap

This show taped on the Universal Studios lot which is just behind the Universal Studios Hollywood Theme Park. (Studio tour included with the price of admission.) Upon arrival, I learned that Quantum Leap didn’t want me or any of the other extras in the scene—they just wanted our cars! I followed a map to a nondescript parking garage which was the set that day. I parked where a PA indicated and then watched as he took off my license plate and replaced it with a real-looking prop plate. Hollywood! I joined the other extras in a holding area behind the parking garage where we proceeded to hang out for eight hours before collecting our vehicles and going home.

The Upshaws

Wanda Sykes, one of the stars of The Upshaws, is shorter than you think she is. However tall you thought Wanda Sykes was, take off six inches and that is closer to her actual height. I know because I ran into her backstage while on a quest to find a bottle of water.

The walls, floors, and ceiling of the imposing soundstage were all painted black which messed with my already poor sense of direction. I took a wrong turn and, as I rounded the corner, nearly collided with Wanda who was walking with haste. We came so close to each other that we could have either kissed or jumped back startled. We both did the latter because we are simpatico.

It took me a second to figure out who the tiny woman in front of me was. Wanda carried a garment bag over one shoulder and looked agitated, probably because I was in her way. Falling back on years of improv training, I quickly recovered and mumbled ‘hello’. She said hello back in a terse, but articulate, way because she is a pro, then scooted around me and disappeared into the darkness. To my amusement, I ended up standing directly behind her in a scene later that day. Even though we were now friends, we were there to work, so we pretended like we didn’t know each other. Showbiz!

Super Secret Marvel Project

Yeah, right—there is NO WAY that I am going to tell you about this one even though we taped on a very public street. Me thinks that Disney would not hesitate to enforce the non-disclosure agreement I signed. Better to be safe than sued, I always say!

Shrinking

This was another we-just-want-your-car situation which suited me just fine. The scene only took a few hours to shoot in a neighborhood in Pasadena making this the most conveniently located job I’ve had. (Pasadena is just four miles from where I live in Highland Park.) The PAs had me and the other extras hidden around a corner a block away which is where I met this owl.

At first I thought it was part of the episode but then I realized that it wasn’t going over lines or otherwise rehearsing. Also, it was an owl. I decided to ask the human upon whose arm the owl was sitting because I had a feeling he might know something. I was right! That guy told me that the owl was on set to keep all the nearby birds quiet during taping. Chirping birds, I learned, can really mess with the audio during an outdoor shoot. The mere presence of the predator owl on the set made the tiny birds hidden in the trees go silent out of fear. Behind the scenes magic!

Be honest–you went quiet looking at this photo, too.

Taped Before a Live Studio Audience

by Bryan on May 21, 2023 posted in LA Stories

“Byron Allen presents The Comedy and Music Superfest” was the shortest name producers could think of for this special.

Chances are I have been all over your television without you realizing it. If I haven’t yet, then I soon will be. In my short time in Los Angeles, I’ve been in the studio audience for an incredible 17 television show tapings! It’s my favorite LA activity! There is something magical about being on the famed Hollywood lots and something amusingly surreal about seeing TV stars up close or as close as security will allow.

The shows I’ve been to are: The Conners (three times!), Jimmy Kimmel Live!, The Kelly Clarkson Show, The Talk, The Voice, The Masked Singer, Byron Allen presents the Comedy and Music Superfest, We the People with Judge Lauren Lake, The Prank Panel, Lopez vs. Lopez, Extended Family (twice!), America’s Got Talent, Raising Damon, and Frasier. Note: tickets to all of these shows were free!

Studio City, CA – Radford Studio Center is my home away from home which is weird because I don’t work there. The Conners, Extended Family, and Raising Damon all taped here.

Jimmy Kimmel Live! was the first taping I attended and my least favorite experience. Not because there was anything wrong with the show, but because the audience coordinator sat me in what I can only assume was the “ugly” section of the studio. Although I had a front row seat, my area—unlike the others— was not lit. I sat hidden in the shadows for the entire taping. Even worse, the cameras and crew were stationed directly in front of me, obstructing my view while ensuring that I would never be on TV. I had to crane my neck to catch glimpses of Jimmy Kimmel and his guest that afternoon, Kathryn Hahn. I later learned that dressing up just a bit got me the best seats at tapings. By “dressing up,” I simply mean putting on a blazer—over a button down shirt, a polo, or just my bare, hairy chest. Gross. This worked at The Voice, The Talk, The Kelly Clarkson Show, Byron Allen presents, The Prank Panel, and America’s Got Talent.

The Talk is the only live-to-air taping that I’ve been to. It was live for the 2pm east coast audience which meant they taped at 11 am on the west coast. That show amused me because we, the studio audience, had to sit and wait for commercials to pass just like the people watching at home. I met an elderly couple who frequent The Talk because of the sweet swag the show gives out to the audience. They weren’t wrong. That day, I walked out with a $100 Walmart gift card and free Metamucil. My colon’s never been happier!

Shout out to the guy dustbusting the set behind me.

You may be surprised to learn that it can take several hours to tape a thirty minute, multi-camera sitcom. Multi-cams tape the show in a linear fashion, like a play, for the benefit of the studio audience. A single-camera sitcom, like The Office, did not have a studio audience, taped scenes out of order, and later edited them into a linear storyline for the television audience. The Conners was the fastest production; those tapings skewed closer to three hours. The longest were Extended Family, Lopez vs. Lopez, and Frasier, all of which clocked in at five hours. Several things contribute to these lengthy tapings; some are technical (cameras, lighting, etc.) some happen when the actors“go up” on their lines (meaning they forgot them) which you may have seen on blooper reels. The most interesting pauses happen when a joke doesn’t land with the audience the way the writers thought it would, meaning that it did not get the biggest laugh possible. When that happens, the writers huddle together and quickly write alternate lines for the actors to try on the next take. At Frasier, the writers fed one character a series of five alternate lines for a scene that he repeated in quick succession to hilarious effect. I can’t wait to see which one makes it into the final show! Cheesy!

A casting company paid me to be in the audience for The Prank Panel, We the People with Judge Lauren Lake, and Extended Family and I also did not know this was a job! Being in any audience—paid or unpaid— is a job because it is work! Sitcoms, for example, simultaneously record audio from the audience using microphones that hang overhead. In order for the show to work, the audience has to maintain the same level of energy for the last scene as they do for the first scene. And, keep in mind, sitcoms often shoot the same scene two or three times in a row. The audience is expected to have the same enthusiasm on the third take as they do on the first take even though they’ve already heard the jokes (unless there is a rewrite) and know what is about to happen. Behind the scenes revelation! To facilitate this, the shows use warm-up guys (not sexist—they’ve all been men) who, in concert with a DJ, entertain and energize the audience in between takes. I won the mug above at The Conners by playing a game where I correctly identified the theme song to The Partridge Family. I could write an entire blog post on how hard these guys work.

Jay Flats was the warm-up guy extraordinaire on both The Prank Panel and America’s Got Talent. Like me, Jay Flats is also originally from Connecticut although he didn’t seem to care when I told him. SHOWBIZ!

I’ve repeatedly signed my life away on non-disclosure agreements for The Prank Panel, The Voice, and The Masked Singer in order to protect the integrity of those shows, so no spoilers! The Prank Panel is an unscripted comedy series premiering on ABC this summer. They taped the audience portion of their show in four days and I worked for the show for three of those days. My longest shift was ten hours and I was exhausted by the end! It sounds silly, but spending several hours laughing and applauding on command is fatiguing. Most of these shows taped “audience reactions” either before the show started or right after it ended; this is part of the job. With cameras pointed directly at us, we were asked to smile, laugh, and clap even though absolutely nothing was happening. The Masked Singer went one step further asking us to feign surprise, delight, and disappointment at an empty stage as if host, Nick Cannon, was unmasking a singer. (Nick Cannon was long gone by then.) The shows use audience reaction clips to make the program seem more interesting for the television audience at home. An editor might insert a clip of my fake laughter to make it seem like Kelly Clarkson said something hysterical when, in reality, she may have only said something mildly amusing. And, because shows recycle these clips, I could appear in a broadcast for a show that I never attended! Hollywood!

I highly encourage you to attend a television show taping if you are ever in Los Angeles! In addition to entertaining you, watching a show come together will make you appreciate the hard work of the crew that typically operates out of sight. And pay attention the next time you watch TV because you might see my smiling face (or hear my laughter and applause) on all of your favorite shows! I’ll leave you below with some final thoughts that include shameless name dropping.

The Conners – Once, on my way into the sound stage, I saw Laurie Metcalfe getting food from a pizza truck. That’s when I realized that celebrities need to eat dinner, too. They really are just like us! // John Goodman was the giddiest I had ever seen him at the season finale taping and, keep in mind, I had seen him twice by then! He was like a little kid on the last day of school counting down the minutes until the start of summer vacation. At prior tapings, Goodman seemed more serious and in his head. He would pace around the set in between takes, occasionally pausing to glance at his script or stretch his back. But at the finale, Goodman was downright silly and kept doing things to make the audience laugh. // Fans of Roseanne may appreciate how tickled I was each time I sat in front of that iconic living room set with its familiar shabby couch and multicolored quilt. (The Conners is a spin-off of Roseanne.) Fun fact: there are book shelves in that iconic living room (with books!) that I don’t think I’ve ever seen on the show. They are built into the wall to the left of the front door.

The Kelly Clarkson Show – Notwithstanding the example I gave above, Kelly Clarkson—unscripted—is very funny! I sat feet away from where she sang her “Kellyoke” segment which is the last thing she tapes although it appears first on the broadcast. Insider info! It occurred to me that one would ordinarily have to shell out hundreds of dollars to sit front row at a Kelly Clarkson concert but I got to watch her sing for free. I would never pay that much money for anyone other than John Williams, by the way, and shame on you for not knowing who he is, I AM THE COOL ONE!!!

The Voice – I went partially deaf at this taping and not because of the musical acts; it was the mercurial, teenage girls around me who did it. They shrieked at ear-splitting decibels whenever one of the judges, Niall Horan, so much as blinked. If they weren’t screaming in delight, they were venomous with jealousy anytime Horan’s gaze lingered on another section of screeching teenagers. It was MANIC! // The set for The Voice was huge and looked futuristic; I felt like I was in the movie Tron. Thanks to my trusty blazer, I sat right next to the entrance the judges used to walk on set. I don’t watch The Voice (or any of these shows, really) so I did not remember that Carson Daly was on the show until he stepped on stage. Watching him work made me want to get a job reading from a teleprompter. I’m not saying that what Carson Daly does is easy, but…it doesn’t look hard, either.

The Masked Singer – I completely forgot that Nicole Scherzinger was on this show which is terrible because Nicole Scherzinger is too beautiful to be as forgettable as Carson Daly! Most of the audience stood in “pits” around the circular stage and I was in the pit directly in front of the judges’ table which, by now, you know was not coincidence. BLAZER! //This was another enormous set that took up the entirety of the sound stage. The theme that night was “British invasion,” so the set was elaborately decorated with things Americans stereotypically associate with the UK, like tea sets and umbrellas but, surprisingly, not Ted Lasso.

Byron Allen presents the Comedy and Music Superfest – This show taped two days’ worth of performances and turned it into a two-hour special that aired on NBC. Boyz II Men, Earth Wind and Fire, and Gladys Knight performed the night I was there! It was a party!

The Prank Panel – The pranksters and stars of this show are Johnny Knoxville, Eric André, and Academy Award nominated actress, Gabourey Sidibe. I know—Sidibe seems like a weird left turn given that she is best known for playing the titular character in the movie Precious. HOWEVER, Gabourey Sidibe—unscripted—is very funny! I suspect she would get along swimmingly with Kelly Clarkson.

My The Prank Panel survival kit! //The casting company paid me $16.50 an hour (plus overtime) to work on this show. I met a lot of people who do this work regularly which surprised me. As one fellow put it, “Most gigs that pay sixteen dollars an hour require manual labor!” That guy was living his dream.

Lopez vs. Lopez – I was surprised by the warmth I felt coming from the cast and crew on this set; it was noticeably different from other tapings. Lopez is a new sitcom on NBC, so perhaps what I felt was the passion behind the production- I don’t know.// George Lopez previously had a successful sitcom that ran for six seasons on ABC. The NBC show also stars his daughter (the second Lopez) and he spoke to the audience with pride about the production and the fact that the top people in charge there are all women.//After the taping, George Lopez gave me a fist bump as I walked by him. If you’re wondering whether I ever washed that hand again the answer is………YES! Many, many times! Are you crazy?! We just got out of a pandemic!

Extended Family – This new sitcom, coming to NBC in 2023-24, had the working title We Thought We Were Done when I was in the audience. Just before I posted this blog, I learned that NBC changed the name of the show to Extended Family. If you are a fan of Jon Cryer from Two and a Half Men, then this show is for you because it’s chock full of Jon Cryer doing hilarious Jon Cryer things.

America’s Got Talent – I was mighty pleased when I saw my ticket was for a seat in Row F of the Orchestra section. Using math skills, I quickly calculated that I would be sitting in the sixth row from the stage. However, when I walked into the theater, I found that rows A through D did not exist! The show had removed those seats and placed camera equipment and the judges’ table there instead. That meant that I was actually sitting in the second row just behind Sofia Vergara and her coworkers! // I still think of Simon Cowell as being the disagreeable judge on the original American Idol from whence Kelly Clarkson came. (I don’t know why she keeps coming up, either.) Back then, Cowell was known for using his scathing British wit to tear down contestants he didn’t like who were basically adolescents. He appears to be a different man now. Cowell seemed more empathetic, more patient, and overall kinder than he was on Idol. Perhaps the effects of fatherhood…

The star of the show for this brief moment in time.

Raising Damon – This was a pilot taping for CBS/Paramount meaning there was no actual series yet. A pilot is like a test show; if the network likes it, they’ll order more episodes and use the pilot as the first episode of the series. If not, no one but the network executives and the studio audience will ever see the show. The new sitcoms (Frasier, Extended Family, and Lopez vs. Lopez) showed us the pilots for those shows before taping so that we had context for what we were about to see.// Raising Damon is a sitcom starring the hilarious Damon Wayans opposite his equally hilarious son, Damon Wayans, Jr. The question is…who is raising whom? [ba-dum-tss!] I grew up watching Wayans, Sr. on In Living Color, an uproarious sketch comedy show that also launched the careers of Jim Carrey, Jamie Foxx, and, weirdly, Jennifer Lopez. I’m not prone to conspiracy theories, but could it be that CBS picks this show up and airs it opposite NBC’s Lopez vs. Lopez, pitting father and son against father and daughter? Could television network executives really be that fiendish? I hope so because this show was hilarious! STAY TUNED!

Frasier– I was looking forward to this taping the most and I couldn’t believe that I actually scored a ticket. Hollywood was ABUZZ about the return of Frasier–for reals. The original Frasier went off the air in 2004 after an incredibly successful eleven year run on NBC. I became a fan of the show in syndication and now Frasier, following other trendy revivals, is coming back to Paramount+.// During my first background acting gig (teaser!), I met a guy who worked as an extra on the pilot episode of the Frasier revival. After first spoiling the plot, said extra then told me that the audience for that show had been filled with celebrities with just a few commoners scattered here and there probably for legal reasons. ABUZZ, I TELL YOU!// Kelsey Grammer came out into the audience before the taping which was a thrill. (By now you know where I was sitting.) He made a moving speech where he acknowledged the legacy of the show and its impact on popular culture, referring, I think, to the hilarious Frasier GIFs I use in text messages.// Frasier 2.0 is funny! Yes, I missed the original cast, but that was bound to happen due to the natural forces of nostalgia and not because there was anything lacking in the revival. Kelsey Grammer continues to be a master of physical comedy (something I wish there was more of on television) and superb writing complemented his talents on the show. I’m looking forward to watching the entire series!// At one point, Kelsey Grammer ate a slice of pizza on the kitchen part of the set (semi-spoiler) while a scene was being taped on another part of the set. It amused me that he chose to eat in front of the audience instead of hiding somewhere in back. This also happened around hour three so I contemplated jumping over the guard rail, running on the set, and snatching that slice from him! And, obviously, I considered putting Kelsey Grammer in touch with Laurie Metcalfe from The Conners so they could get together and have a–wait for it–pizza party. Ba-dum-tss?

The End – Part II

by Bryan on February 4, 2023 posted in Road Trip

**what. The. F*CK?!**

[reader discretion is advised]

The moments that shock us in life are those that are unforeseeable or unexpected. They are jarring and difficult to deal with precisely because we cannot prepare for them. Like when you bite into a Chicken McNugget™ expecting the tender goodness of all white meat but instead jam your teeth on an obstructive piece of cartilage. It’s gag-inducing and almost unsettling enough to stop you from ever biting into a Chicken McNugget™ again—almost.

So it made no sense that I felt shocked to “suddenly” find myself in Los Angeles. Not after months of planning and, of course, the cross country roadtrip. Nevertheless, there I was, at the Airbnb in Hollywood with a steady stream of fucks running through my head. What the fuck am I doing here? What the fuck was I thinking? What the fuck do I do now?

Fan(s) of this blog (Hi, mom!) will recall that I came here without a job, a place to live, and only knowing two people. So perhaps disorientation was the appropriate reaction to the (not sudden) upheaval in my life. Or maybe it’s simply that change is difficult and scary and the enormity of the relocation finally caught up with me once I stopped moving. There was nothing else to run towards or anything else to run from. Now I simply had to go about the messy business of creating a new life for myself on the west coast.

I lived in that stunned space for two weeks. I did a lot of writing to try to understand what was happening in my head. I had long talks with close friends where I reflected on my roadtrip and reminisced about my last two years in Connecticut. My Airbnb was nearby two famous boulevards—Hollywood and Sunset—and I walked them extensively as I found my way out of my funk. Both were filthy and smelled of urine but that only made me walk faster which was better cardio anyway.

Typical of PTSD, my brain erased most memories from those early days notwithstanding the fact that there was no actual trauma. I have access to a few and, stupidly, one of them is just me doing laundry. There is zero value in recalling that experience (it was raining and I had sushi for dinner) so it seems the human brain operates with an imperfect traumatic response mechanism.

the second two weeks

Restarting a daily exercise routine brought me back to my senses; I wish I had done this immediately upon my arrival. I began each day with a three mile hike up and down Runyon Canyon Park. The sunlight, present most mornings, energized me and lifted my mood. The path I took incorporated a winding, steep climb to the top that yielded an amazing view of Los Angeles. My heart would be pounding by then, my breathing labored, and I would feel blissful.

I also resumed taking HIIT classes (high intensity interval training) like I used to back home. HIIT workouts exhaust my body and clear my mind so I was delighted to find a plethora of F45 gym studios in LA. I embarked on a tour of all of them and slowly began to feel like myself again.

I lost valuable apartment-hunting time while I was in my daze. With only two weeks remaining at my Airbnb, I hurriedly went about looking for a place to live. This is how I came to live in a hipster community in northeast LA.

Hipsterville, USA

I had no idea that hipsters still existed. They might not outside of Highland Park, an area I knew nothing about when I moved in. I’m not using the term hipster pejoratively, either, but simply as reference to a group of people who make a concerted, but ultimately futile, effort to live outside of the mainstream.

When you see an address like this, you’re either in a hipster neighborhood or a J.K. Rowling book–there is no third option.

Hipsters live in a constant state of irony because their very existence creates an absurd paradox. This is because it is not possible to live outside of the mainstream as a group. If enough people adopt a certain lifestyle then it becomes mainstream even if only within the subculture. This truth frustrates hipsters which is why they strive to do everything ironically—from the way they dress (out of fashion) to the way their hearts beat (irregularly). Hipsters have expanded the definition of irony well beyond anything Alanis Morissette could have ever imagined.

Hipsters always concern themselves with the temperature regulation of inanimate, anachronistic objects like this old pay phone. Hence, the knitted cowl.

It’s easy to spot a hipster out in the wild because of how they dress. Mismatching, usually black attire; adorned in scarves and fedoras; pairing thick-rimmed glasses with skinny belts and thick belts with skinny glasses. Hipsters also move about slowly from exhaustion since they spend their waking hours pushing back against convention. Don’t get me wrong, hipsters are lovely people! They’ve normalized good things, like the legalization of marijuana, but also bad things, like putting sweaters on dogs.

I rented a room in a coliving house in Highland Park because it was available immediately and came with parking. Coliving is a concept that the internet tells me originated in one of the Nordic countries which sounds right because those people are always on the cutting edge of communal living. There are eight of us living in the spacious and beautifully renovated house. The rooms come with beds and we each have our own private bathroom. We share communal spaces— the kitchen, den, and patio— and the house provides all cookware, dishes, utensils, and cleaning supplies. Coliving is ideal for right now because I didn’t bring things like dishes or a bed.

The communal kitchen where I write my Morning Pages!

So here I am, an interloper in Highland Park and officially a resident of Los Angeles. I’m already annoyed with the traffic, with how expensive everything is, and with the poor air quality that is slowly peeling years off my life. But LA is my home now and I love it!

The End – Part I

by Bryan on December 10, 2022 posted in Road Trip

what happened

Although I originally planned on driving from Connecticut to California in one month, the trip actually took me two months. I quickly realized that my plan to spend two nights per stop didn’t allow me enough time to explore, rest, or write. Particularly because one of those nights came after a travel day. That meant I really only had one free day per destination which is why I felt hurried. I slowed my trip significantly about half way through, but also…

trip, interrupted

I took an unexpected hiatus from my trip in October. I had always planned on flying back to Connecticut around that time for my cousin’s wedding but figured I would stay, at most, for a weekend. However, a few weeks before, when I was in New Mexico, I learned that my father was in poor health. The news threw me into turmoil and I didn’t know what to do.

I ended up staying in Connecticut for almost three weeks and do not regret the extra time I spent with my parents. My presence appeared to provide my father some comfort and I gave my mother a break by driving my dad to his various medical appointments and running errands for her. Still, racked with guilt, I considered cancelling the remainder of my trip and staying indefinitely. But that’s not what I wanted in my heart. Instead, I continued my journey west when my father’s health stabilized.

The map below does not reflect this interlude. I made a u-turn in New Mexico and drove to Texas to drop my car off at my aunt’s for safe keeping. I flew back and forth from San Antonio; all of this added considerably to my travel time.

the route

Most people who drive cross-country opt for either an efficient northern or southern route. I inefficiently zig-zagged my way across America so that I could see the sights I wanted to see and visit the friends I wanted to visit. It was fun!

This is what it looks like when you give a child a crayon and a map of the United States.

lodging

I camped in or around national parks when possible and stayed in Airbnbs and hotels when it wasn’t. I opted to sleep in my car at the campgrounds because it was easier than setting up and breaking down my tent. With the back seats folded down, I slept on a mattress that extended almost the whole length of the car. It was cozy!

Waking up after a rainstorm in Kentucky.

alone and not alone

I spent a good deal of time by myself by design. Potentially blowing up my life in pursuit of this goal put me in a reflective mood. It was a lot to process as the trip unfolded and reality set in. It was one thing for me to talk about chasing my dreams; it was an entirely different thing for me to actually do it.

Driving through miles of farmland naturally put me in a pensive mood. Sometimes I thought about cows because I saw so many of them. It occurred to me, for example, that we should all be eating 3-4 times more hamburgers a day than we currently are given the number of cows in the country. Mmmm….cows!

I also stopped to visit friends along the way, all of whom I had not seen in years. They welcomed me into their homes and showed me around which was great fun. Christina in New Orleans, Bart in St. Louis, Ellie in Chicago, and my godfather, Nicky, in Phoenix—thank you!

I’m also grateful that two good friends joined me for parts of the trip. Ravi flew from New York City and I picked him up in Iowa as I passed through the state. We had a blast exploring South Dakota and Wyoming during the week he was with me. Just hours after dropping Ravi off at the airport, I picked up Michel who flew in from Washington DC. He also stayed for a week and we traversed Utah and Colorado together.

I drove my EV across the country

This is not the remarkable feat that it was even five years ago. Electric vehicle owners of yore were hesitant to drive their cars far from home, giving rise to a new phobia dubbed “range anxiety” that has now entered the mainstream. Range anxiety refers to the fear that an EV won’t have enough battery to get you to your destination and back.

I met many people who were surprised that I was able to drive my car from Connecticut to wherever I happened to be speaking to them. They expressed a belief that there were not enough car chargers in the country to make the trip possible. I decided this must be the “misinformation” crisis I kept hearing about in the news. I recall one disbelieving fellow in Colorado who, with his arms folded tightly across his chest, grilled me about my trip and charging stops. He did not leave convinced but he also never came up with a better explanation for how I got my car to Colorado.

Owning an EV now is easier than it was in 2017 simply because there are more car chargers available. Tesla began building its own nationwide network of superchargers in 2012—five years before they manufactured their first mass market vehicle. These superchargers are located on major traffic corridors across America and that is how I was able to drive across the country.

I opted to sleep in my car because of a feature called Camp Mode that keeps the interior lights and climate controls functioning when the car is parked. So on hot nights I kept the air conditioning running and on cold nights I left the heat on. I told you it was cozy!

the writing part

This blog was not for you—sorry. Assuming you, the reader, even exist. I have no idea.

I started the blog as an exercise, so I could get used to putting myself out into the world creatively on a regular basis. Doing so was deeply uncomfortable and I often felt raw and insecure in the days that followed a post. It didn’t matter if anyone actually read my blog; the discomfort came from the act of expressing myself publicly. I eventually learned to tame my inner critic which was necessary for me to continue posting.

The thoughts I shared with you here are run-of-the-mill, Bryan thoughts. Welcome to my world! These are the types of observations and reflections that appear in my personal writing. For years now I’ve started each day with a stream-of-consciousness writing exercise called Morning Pages that I learned from the book The Artist’s Way. Every morning I sit at my laptop, set a 20-minute timer, and write until the alarm goes off. Sometimes I have seamless and brilliant thoughts; other times I have a page full of nonsensical word vomit with lousy grammar to boot. Both are fine!

The point of Morning Pages is to forge discipline, not just for writing, but for life. It is also a powerful tool for self-reflection because, as author Julia Cameron points out, the Morning Pages will not lie to you. My Morning Pages revealed to me how unhappy I was at my job and how much I longed to to make a living from creative pursuits that bring me joy. Morning Pages were the genesis of this adventure.

city of angels

Runyon Canyon offers breathtaking views of Los Angeles.

I booked an Airbnb in Hollywood for one month to serve as my home base while I looked for a place to live. I arrived at the apartment, just outside of Runyon Canyon, on a Saturday afternoon. That night, I passed out around 7 p.m. and woke up around 9 a.m. the next morning. Everything caught up to me that night. The next two weeks were tough.

Finding magic in New Mexico

by Bryan on November 30, 2022 posted in Road Trip

One of the tragedies of growing older is that we stop seeing magic in the world around us the way we used to as children. Back then it was effortless. On windy autumn days, for example, I would make a game out of dodging colorful falling leaves, imaging them to be missiles that would blow me up on contact. Putting that potentially concerning memory aside, the point is that we have to be intentional about finding magic as adults. It’s still there. I experienced a magical moment in New Mexico when I stood on a field surrounded by hundreds of hot air balloons as they lifted off during a mass ascension. It was extraordinary.

I wasn’t even supposed to be there. I was driving through New Mexico when my uncle texted me that he was on his way to the state for a balloon festival and invited me to join him. I made a u-turn in Roswell—after first making contact with a fast-food loving alien—and met up with him in Albuquerque. We got up at 3:30 a.m. the next morning to be at the gates at 4 a.m. for the launch that didn’t even start until 7 a.m. And we weren’t the only ones. Thousands of people showed up to watch. I met several locals who enthusiastically told me that they never missed a year. The official tally for the nine-day event registered an astonishing 828,800 visitors!

The international Balloon Fiesta celebrated its 50th anniversary that week. What started in 1972 with just 13 hot air balloons grew into the largest festival in the world! Albuquerque eventually built an incredible 360-acre park specifically for the annual event. The expansive park is open for public use the rest of the year so the space doesn’t go to waste. Vendors selling refreshments and souvenirs surrounded the 80-acre grassy launch field where I stood.

“Mass ascension” refers to the launch of all the hot air balloons that participated in the festival. More than 500 balloons lifted off that morning over the course of two hours. Dozens of launch directors—known as “zebras” because of their black and white striped shirts—helped the balloons take off safely. The zebras ensured that the airspace over the balloons was clear since the pilots could not see what was happening above them.

So what was it like? Words don’t fully capture the experience. Neither do pictures but at least those are fun to look at! At first there was quite a bit of tension as it seemed that the weather would not cooperate. But then a green flag suddenly went up in the back signaling the all clear, the crowd went nuts, and balloons started inflating everywhere one after the other. At first I only heard burners igniting in the distance. One somewhere to my left. Another somewhere behind me. Closer and closer until suddenly I saw and felt the intense fire close by. It was spellbinding, mesmerizing, and just remarkable.

There was more excitement once the balloons inflated as passengers filled the gondolas and we waited for them to float away. Every time that happened, the surrounding crowds—myself included—burst into applause and cheers. I enthusiastically waved at the strangers going up, partly envying them while also remembering my fear of heights. Of course I still would have gone up if given the chance; I once jumped out of an airplane in Hawaii! But a one-hour balloon ride that day cost ~$595, an expense I had not budged for on my trip. And the tickets were sold out.

The fun thing about hot air balloons is that they move slowly. Once they were high enough, they appeared to be suspended in the air. That was my favorite part. When I did a Hollywood-inspired 360° spin, big smile on my face, watching hundreds of hot air balloons fixed against the expansive blue sky.

The other fun thing about hot air balloons is that they eventually have to come down and the balloons we saw land did not alight gracefully. Despite the pilots’ best efforts, most landings ended with the basket tipped completely on its side until the chasers and ground crew pulled it upright again. Suddenly I didn’t care to be in the gondola.

Balloon Fiesta is the kind of event that is worth experiencing in person—add it to your bucket list! What made it spectacular was the sensory overload I experienced which is what I can’t fully describe for you here. I was overwhelmed by the brightly colored balloons that towered over me; the roaring sound and heat coming from the igniters; the excited buzz from the massive crowd; and the sheer wonder of watching such large and clumsy objects floating gracefully up from the ground as if by…well, you get the point.

Finding the Fool in Colorado

by Bryan on November 15, 2022 posted in Road Trip

Spoiler alert: The Fool is me.

__________

The Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, Colorado

I learned too late that The Stanley Hotel, which I came upon quite by accident, is famous. I found the property on a dreary day while looking for a place to fuel up my car outside of the Rockies. I later learned that a visit to the Stanley in 1974 inspired Stephen King to write the horror classic The Shining. And that The Shining miniseries and some scenes from the movie Dumb and Dumber were filmed there. Also that The Stanley offered a tour explaining all of this in person. It simply wasn’t as satisfying reading about this history online.

The lobby was low-lit and trimmed in dark mahogany. It had a mysterious, whodunit feel such that I expected someone to suddenly and whimsically drop dead. That didn’t happen, but I did find a ghoulish-looking woman (costume, I think) selling tickets to a magic show later that night. I love me a good magic show (real or fake) as much as I love me a haunted property (real or fake) so, naturally, I went.

Entering the theater through a secret bookcase door! I refuse to buy a house that doesn’t have at least one of these.

The illusionist, Aiden Sinclair, performed a fortune telling and mind reading show like those performed at The Stanley over one hundred years ago. I first glimpsed the Fool when Sinclair unveiled an old set of tarot cards that he presented to the audience. Note: You don’t have to believe in tarot as a legitimate divination tool in order to enjoy this post. This story is about archetypes as Swiss psychologist, Carl Jung, understood them which is what the images on the tarot cards represent. This isn’t a mystical post; it’s a psychological post. Surprise twist!

Jung posited that our minds consist of three unequal parts: one part conscious (the smallest) and two parts unconscious (the largest). Relevant here is the collective unconscious, the part that contains an ancestral blueprint that instills universal predispositions from our collective past—like being afraid of the dark. This is also where the archetypes reside: symbols and images representing universal human patterns that pop up in people’s minds all over the world. Archetypes are important because they influence our behavior and structure the narratives we tell about ourselves.

The Fool card depicts a care-free man staring up into the sky as he is unknowingly just steps away from walking off a cliff. The card is numbered zero and can either be at the start or end of the tarot deck. This is because the Fool is not interested in beginnings or endings; he simply exists right now, in the present. The Fool also doesn’t concern himself with outcomes or goals; his interest and focus is solely on the journey.

This archetype represents new beginnings, taking leaps of faith, and following one’s gut. You may be unwittingly in the grip of the Fool during your most daring moments. People around the Fool think he is naive or crazy because he defies cultural norms. But he doesn’t care—or possibly doesn’t know—because the Fool has blind faith that the universe will always take care of him and that everything will always work out.

The Fool

I instantly recognized myself in the Fool narrative. At first I felt shocked and then I felt relieved. Having a profoundly human explanation for why I quit my job on the east coast to chase a dream on the west coast made me feel less peculiar. Although this cross-country move appears impulsive, I’ve actually wanted to move to Los Angeles for years. I didn’t before because I could not tolerate the foolish thought, much less form an actual plan and execute it. Perhaps back then I was under the influence of the responsible Ruler archetype who seeks to impose order through rigid structure.

I’m grateful to the Fool for taking hold of my mind and giving me the swift kick in the ass that I needed to embark on this adventure. When I feel fear, his presence in my psyche reminds me that time is precious, life is short, and that the only way to really live is to live boldly. I also realize that I can’t live in the Fool’s skin forever since he never reaches an actual destination. His purpose is getting me to LA, but once I’m there, I’ll need him to take his leave and recede into the background.

I’m also comforted by a truth that took me too long to recognize: that I am a direct descendant of a fool. I wouldn’t be here at all if my father had not emigrated from South America nearly fifty years ago. Surely someone at that time questioned his sanity, too.

The Universe sent Victoria

by Bryan on October 21, 2022 posted in Road Trip

The city of Moab, Utah, just outside of Arches National Park, glows in a spectacular autumnal hue that has nothing to do with the season. Red sandstone blankets the surrounding mountains and the wind redeposits particles in the streets where they accumulate into miniature red dunes. I loved it.

Camping just outside of Arches National Park.

During dinner with a friend, I mentioned that inspiration for my next tattoo finally arrived from that mysterious place from which brilliant ideas emanate. I wanted a mountain range on my left bicep, an idea surely derived from my outdoor adventures to that point. Similar to my eagle tattoo, though, I was frustrated by the uninspiring images I found online. The mountains were too triangular, the lines too sharp, the images too defined. They weren’t minimalist enough for me which, we all now know, is my aesthetic. Fortunately, I knew that patience was key and that eventually the universe would respond.

We stopped for espresso early the next morning on our way out of Moab. The brightly shining sun lured us to a table outside of the cafe where we sipped on our drinks in silence as men sometimes do. I don’t know when Victoria showed up; I noticed her three tables away when I got up to use the bathroom. She was sitting by herself with a baseball cap pulled down to hide her face so that only her long, blonde hair was visible. I’m not even sure she had coffee so it’s possible she was both trespassing and loitering.

I returned from the bathroom to find my friend engaged in lively conversation with this woman. She sounded heated but that was from straining her voice because she still sat three tables away. I resumed my seat and quickly realized that Victoria was bat-shit-crazy. I mean that descriptively and not judgmentally. She asked my friend questions related to NASA rocket launches as if he had astronaut-level knowledge. For context, my friend is short like me, out of shape, and has clearly never been put through the rigors of high-g-force training. Sometimes you can just tell that about a person and, in this case, you would be right. Nevertheless, Victoria persisted as if we were taking questions at a NASA press conference.

I’m not sure why I approached her. Perhaps a glance at her cap registered the image outside of my conscious awareness. I moved closer intending to make friendly conversation and that’s when I really noticed her cap. As the kids text these days: O-M-G! Victoria’s cap had THE mountain range image that I wanted tattooed on my arm. I broke out into a huge smile, turned toward my friend and stammered, “The cap! Mountain range! My tattoo!” My friend didn’t say anything but Victoria snapped, “Stop pointing at me!” so I did.

To my delight, Victoria continued her spacey line of questioning instead of asking me what the hell I was talking about. Keep in mind that I was hovering over her and invading her personal space. Didn’t matter. She just wanted to know about a recent shuttle mission out of Texas. I let her finish and, instead of answering, asked if I could take a picture of her hat. Victoria scowled at me, took the cap off her head, and flung it on the table. “You can have the damn hat!” I kindly declined, took a picture with my phone, and began a slow retreat. The last thing I heard her say was, “You know we’re all products of incest? Adam and Eve.”

I done told you she was crazy!

I never question the universe’s strategies or methods because the universe has been around a lot longer than I have. I needed to see that cap and, evidently, Victoria was the only carrier available. It must be like looking for an Uber during a busy surge– you hope for a five star driver but, at some point, you just take what you can get. I don’t have the tattoo yet because I like the idea of getting it in Los Angeles so that I’ll have one tattoo from the east coast and one from the west coast. But I already love the story behind this one.

Finding God in Wyoming

by Bryan on October 14, 2022 posted in Road Trip

The sky can’t possibly be bigger in Wyoming than it is anywhere else but that’s how it felt when I was there. I couldn’t help but notice the celestial space that enveloped me in the absence of soaring buildings. I felt small in Wyoming, relative to the towering mountain ranges in the distance. It’s a familiar experience to outdoorspeople—formally outdoorsmen— to feel humbled by nature and a reason that we enjoy being outside. That type of modesty is good for the soul. But something felt different in Wyoming.

In Washington DC, where I lived pre-pandemic, walking was mostly functional. Even a casual stroll wasn’t casual since I had to squeeze it around and in between work. I mostly kept my gaze down when I walked. Down at my feet, down at the sidewalk, or—I’m ashamed to admit—down at my phone. Nothing inspired me to look up unless I intentionally walked myself to a monument. In Wyoming, all I wanted to do was look up. Up was where the magic was.

I don’t believe in God so apologies for misleading you. As I drove around Wyoming, though, I wondered how the landscape might impact my worldview if I lived there. I decided I probably would believe in God. Nature is inspiring. It can even seem magical. A thundering waterfall, for example, can move me from appreciation to rumination and, eventually, back to God.

My brain, though, isn’t wired to believe in an outsized, creator-of-the-universe. But I do experience something God-like in nature. I could have visited the Grand Teton mountains in Wyoming and witnessed the end result of millions of years of tectonic collisions. Or, through a different lens, I could have marveled at sections of the earth deliberately plucked by omnipotent fingers. It just depends on which world I want to live in.

The Universe sent Jeanette.

by Bryan on October 9, 2022 posted in Road Trip

I reckon that Jeanette and I quickly fell into an intimate conversation because she not-so-quickly folded her intimates right in front of me. That’s right—reckon! I was doing laundry at a campground in South Dakota, staring at the washing machines with gratitude after days on the road, when Jeanette walked in and startled me out of my spell. She moved quickly and spoke fast which amused me and I took to her right away.

Jeanette and her husband, who was not there, had been camping for one week. She complained that the campground closed several amenities too soon now that summer was over. “Sure, the families are all gone,” she said “but those of us without kids are still here!” Jeanette and Husband (I don’t remember his name) live in Oregon although Jeanette is originally from California where there are, “just too many people!” She rolled her eyes and let out a depressing sigh when I told her that I’m headed for Los Angeles.

Husband is Jeanette’s second husband and I swear I didn’t ask. I always assume couples are in their first marriage as a matter of courtesy. They’d been married for 30 years and Jeanette really came to life (who knew she was holding back?) when I asked her the key to a successful marriage. Now sitting next to me like we were old chums, Jeanette told me she and her husband abided by four unbreakable rules to make their marriage work. The first rule was No TV in the bedroom. Because I already agreed with this point, I recognized that Jeanette was right and wise like Yoda. See how your marriage stacks up against Jeanette’s sacred marital rules below! This blog is now like Cosmo…

No TV in the bedroom.

The bedroom, Jeanette firmly told me, is for sleeping and sex. I would substitute intimacy for sex because connecting non-sexually can be just as important in a relationship. I’ve long maintained that watching television is not something a couple does together but something they do at the same time which may not count as quality time. I didn’t ask if it was okay to read but let’s assume that the answer is “yes” because I am a reader and don’t want books to be a strain on my future marriage.

Both people can have their own opinion.

Boundaries are the essence of all of these rules and, here, Jeanette is drawing a boundary around beliefs. One would expect that a couple’s beliefs are more in line than not, otherwise they wouldn’t be compatible. But your spouse is not supposed to be a carbon copy of you so part of respecting the marriage as a whole is respecting the differences that each person brings to the relationship. This can be difficult in practice which is why being strict about Rule 3 is critical.

Everything stays outside of the bedroom.

This rule draws a boundary around arguments and differences of opinion. You can and will have them—but they belong outside of the bedroom. The only thing crossing the threshold into a couple’s sacred space is love. What brought you together, and what keeps you together, is the focus of the bedroom which is why Jeanette doesn’t want a television in there. Love can’t possibly compete with quality programming. Just kidding. Jeanette used more colorful language to describe how she makes this rule work but I can’t repeat it here because I hope to one day write for Disney.

You shouldn’t be in a relationship if you can’t get along 75% of the time.

Jeanette had a German boss during her first, bad marriage which, I promise, is relevant. Deutsche Boss—DB for short— educated Jeanette that, culturally, Germans approach and manage time differently from Americans. A quick Google search yielded this explanation from a non-Wikipedia source: “Germans are most comfortable when they can organize and compartmentalize their world into controllable units.” DB told Jeanette to consider the quality of the time she spent with her husband after deducting hours spent sleeping, working, or carrying out life maintenance. DB thought it was not worth staying in the marriage if Jeanette and her husband did not get along without fighting for at least 75% of the time. Who knows how DB came up with this percentage or whether Germans are truly this particular about time. Notwithstanding any of that, Jeanette ended her first marriage largely on DB’s advice and was happier for it.

I’m glad I met Jeanette and not just because she provided content for this blog. Also because the campground wifi was down that day and I had no cell service. Why do you think I was staring at the washing machines? I was bored! And now YOU know to call a divorce attorney if you and your spouse only get along 74.5% of the time. Rules are rules.

Second City had me Second Guessing myself.

by Bryan on October 5, 2022 posted in Road Trip

There were only two things I wanted to do on my first trip to Chicago: try the deep dish pizza that The Travel Channel had been tantalizing me with for years and see a show at Second City. Pizza is delicious and its consumption requires no further rationalization. The Second City, if you don’t know, is a storied comedy theater and the Mecca for aspiring improvisational comedy performers. Second City alumni include your favorite entertainers like Tina Fey, Steven Colbert, and Amy Poehler.

Improv shows are unscripted comedy scenes made up on the spot in front of the audience. The scenes often begin with an audience suggestion that inspires the performers. I saw a mixed-show (improv and sketch comedy) performed by one of the touring companies with a cast of five incredibly talented people. These performers had to put in years of work in order to make the stage: several levels of classes, numerous shows, and competitive auditions. They were seasoned, they were tested, they were pros.

So what happened to me? I had a moment of panic and silently freaked out so as not to disturb my neighbors. At first I was just enjoying the show. Then I started reminiscing about my own amateur comedy experience in Washington, DC. Suddenly, I mentally tripped and fell head first into a common trap that ensnares budding artists: dwelling on the gap that naturally exists between the amateur and the professional.

c.2017. I played a hilarious tree in this side-splitting scene. I don’t get it, either, but the audience howled with laughter.

I don’t aspire to perform but I was nevertheless swept up in a whirlwind of fear-based, negative thoughts. I can’t do this! I don’t have this kind of talent! I’m funny-ish but I’m not hilarious! These people thought of scenes that I never would have thought of! I’m already out of ideas! And on and on it went. It was so bad that I considered turning my car around in Chicago and heading back to Connecticut. Honestly.

I knew what was happening thanks to Steven Pressfield and his book, The War of Art. Pressfield educates us about Resistance— a universal, malevolent, invisible force that acts against us when we set about pursuing passion projects. We cannot see Resistance, we cannot touch Resistance, but we can feel it usually in the form of procrastination. It’s not just creative works that Resistance attempts to foil but anything from a home renovation project to a new exercise routine. Fear fuels Resistance. Self-doubt is one of the tricks that Resistance employs to stop us in our tracks. “Resistance,” says Pressfield, “will tell you anything to keep you from doing your work.”

Julia Cameron in her wonderful book, The Artist’s Way, notes that fear keeps us from taking action because taking action involves risk. Most people prefer to nestle in the comfort of inaction where they remain safe from public exposure even if it ultimately makes them miserable. Fear is a trick of Resistance. “Part of the game here,” Cameron says, “is lining up the masters and measuring our baby steps against their perfected craft. We don’t compare our student films to George Lucas’s student films. Instead, we compare them to Star Wars.”

This is what I did that night. In a moment of lucidity, I took stock of my limited experience and lofty goals and compared it to the pros on stage. When I didn’t measure up, panic ensued. Then self-doubt followed by fear that Resistance fed on to make me consider giving up entirely. Thanks to Pressfield and Cameron, I knew that the only way to defeat Resistance was to continue moving forward in the face of fear. Amateurs don’t become Pros by staying idle. So I did not turn my car around but continued my journey west. I also kept up with my daily writing routine which made me feel accomplished and in control. This wasn’t the first insecure moment I had and it wouldn’t be the last. Knowing the enemy helps. Having a battle plan helps more.